Tuesday, 21 June 2011

Round Two: Blessedly Uneventful

Two down, six to go. I had my second round of chemo last Monday and I made it through the week relatively unscathed. I had a few hard nights of insomnia at the beginning but got that under control with some new drugs. The nausea wasn't nearly as bad this time either. As for the fatigue, it was totally manageable. Let's face it, I have a 10 month old at home, I'm tired all the time anyway.

The hardest time I've had this week was actually dealing with the anticipation. I kept waiting for things to get bad. And then when it was clear that I wasn't taking a turn for the worst, I started questioning that. "Does this mean it's not working?" When things were bad after the first round I would tell myself, "Ok, this is just for a little while. You feel like this because it's working. It's worth it." I know I should just probably just be thankful for having a good round and be done with it. But instead I'm feeling myself up everyday to see if I can notice any more changes. I can't. So I'm resigning myself to the fact that not every round of chemo will be dramatic, and that slow and steady may have to win this race.

In other news, my hair is just about gone. Corey shaved what was left of it with some clippers I had bought him for Christmas. He left the #2 guard on it so I still have a sparse and spiky layer all over my head. And what's left is red. I'm talking RED. Not auburn. RED. I'm a stubborn redhead after all. Who knew?? All three of my brothers are probably uttering, "I did". So now when I leave the house I've always got my wig on. The first few ventures out I was sure everyone could tell and spent all my time avoiding eye contact. After the weekend though, my sister-in-law trimmed the bangs and made a few other snips and now I feel MUCH better about it. Thanks again Jeannie! I don't know what I'd do without you...

Speaking of my family, they truly deserve the credit for keeping me sane. I don't have enough words to express my gratitude for all my parents' support and advice. My mum is a two time cancer survivor and even though this is her worst nightmare she has remained as positive as they come. As a doctor, my dad is on double duty.  Firstly, listening to his only girl's fears as any dad would, and then secondly, having to act as a teacher to me and my brothers. I've spent most of my life bragging about my big brothers and how they'd protect me from anything. This has been no exception. And the word "sister-in-law" somehow diminishes my relationship with those women. They are my family in every way that matters, in-law, shminlaw. And of course there's my in-laws. Corey's sister, although I don't see her often, I know would come down here and sucker punch cancer in the face if she could. I'm pretty sure Corey's dad and his wife are on track to cure all cancer with the amount of positive vibes and love they are focusing my way. And lastly Corey's mom remains the most positive and inspirational example to me of how to handle this disease with grace and a sense of humour. With all this love I'm having a hard time staying a Debbie Downer...

I know it took me a while to get this post up. Mostly it was because I felt this round was uneventful. But the other reason was that I plain old didn't have anything positive to say. I thought about getting on here and having a good ol' fashioned rant, but decided I didn't want to give my wah-wah-wah attitude any more power. So I waited until the funk passed. Obviously it has passed. At the moment I'm feeling good. Blessed even. Thank you all again for the continued love and support. As you can see, it does get through to me.

Much love,


  1. Ashlyn, you're a writer, a fighter, and I'm sad and glad to be able to call you a cancer cousin. The nastier the beast, the easier it is to see it and kick it where it counts, so keep your arse-kickin' boots shined up, girl. I'll take a few hits while I'm here, too.

  2. Ashlyn,

    It's Lane, your old Joey's bud. I stumbled across your blog today and feeling so incredibly inspired by your strength and humour. Girl, u r going to dominate this. Keep visualizing yourself c-free and on the beach sipping a fav cocktail with that beautiful family of yours!!! I plan to follow your incredible journey here- your words are amazing, feel every ounce of them to your very core, just like you've been doing. Sending healing, loving lightning your way. Keep at er!!!